friENDs.
best friENDs.
boy/girlfriENDs.
Notice how they all have an "end" to it?
Nothing lasts forever. I've personally experienced it.
I have no one but my family, because no one can say "i love you" than fam[ily]
I've been betrayed to, lied to, let down, disappointed, cheated, and yet I STILL walk around with my head held high and a smile to my face.
God wouldn't put anything on your path unless he didn't think you couldn't handle it.
I think my path is full of shit, and now I'm hoping, it'll go on a lot smoother after all the shit I've put behind me, and let go.
I have so many mixed feelings its INSANE, i'm heartbroken, i'm pissed, i'm hurt, i'm alone, i'm hopeless, i'm confused, i'm missing you.
ITS DRIVING ME INSANE!
rip up that voodoo doll of me because I don't see any other explanation as to why im still stuck on you like glue!
Like, you give your all, and then when it just doesn't work out at all, what are you to do? Suffer. That's what. I've been suffering.
This will probably be one of the deepest blogs I'll ever write, because I simply can't hold it in any longer.
friENDs.
The person I trust the most has betrayed me, and now I don't know what to do. The person that knows me better than my own family is no longer a part of me, but intentionally out there to hurt me. I can't even say a story without including you in there. I don't care what happens/happened to us past, present, future you're still my best friend because you simply know too much about me and vice versa. Known you too long, has too many memories to look back on and NOT think of us. It breaks my heart knowing what happened between us and not being able to fix anything and the fact that you're going about your day perfectly fine, and thats what kills me.
What do you do when you're in my situation? What do I do? I put a smile on my face, hoping I go through my day okay,and not seeing you along the way, because I don't know what I would do, hurt you physically for making the dumbest mistake and hopefully laughing and patch things up, or look at you and walk the other direction. It angers me.
boyfriENDs.
smh. they never last for me. maybe its me, maybe i got issues that no one can seem to control. I give my all and when you're all isnt enough then what? you let go. It's silly of me, but one time, years ago, I had received a text message from an ex, a very beautifully written text, which had me balling my eyes out. No one had ever written/said anything that beautiful to me before, so I saved it on my "notes" part on my phone. And on days, I feel not so beautiful I remember I have that note, and I read it over and over again, it makes me feel better, makes me tear up and smile from ear to ear, then it makes me miss him and wonder how hes doing.
"I was sittin here thinkin... And I wanted to tell you that you are tremendously understanding and caring woman.. And I appreciate you as a person.. I want you to know that if you ever need anything, you let me know and I will try my best to help you.. Although I know you are pretty much to proud to ask for help... I want you to know that although we don't have a "relationship" i value what we do have and hold our relationship closely.. You are an incredibly giving woman, not only with tangible things but with emotional support, the things that matter significantly.. You are a beautiful person.. And I'm gonna miss you"
Word for word, its what he said. I did not add anything. It's beautiful. I've had relationships, obviously they ended, but no ones took the time out there day to text me that. I've had different relationships. Ones where they didn't care about me, and I got out of it so quick! Ones where they kept comparing me to their ex, ones where they weren't ready, and ones who were stalker status after the relationship ended. No ones perfect and its understandable, but how hard is it to just find a man who doesn't have extra baggage? One to have such an intellectual conversation with, talk nerdy to me, now thats haute ;)
We all have that ONE ex who you can never ever ever get out of your head, no matter what the situation and what happens. What do you do to get him/her out of your head? What do you do to ignore em?
I personally like to think of my big bright future. I'm marrying a doctor. Blonde hair, blue eyes. We're gonna have some amazing babies ;) and I'm gonna live on top of a mountain alongside the coast of San Diego, and whenever I need to go somewhere I'll get my helicopter ;) watch out, yeah I dream BIG.
I'm not gonna sit here and pretend everything's peachy keen, I feel alone sometimes. Im scared that in the future I become a single old ass cat lady who will never find my hawt ass doctor. ): Im not gonna front, I have dreams of you a lot. I wish I knew what it means by that. Because there would be days where I don't think about you AT ALL, and then BAM dream of you, and then I feel lost. It wasn't no ordinary dream, because if it was, i'd shake it off, but i know it had to mean something, if it was once, id disregard it, but it has happened numerous of times.
"But don't worry I'm okay, because im too busy fixing me to be chasing you around." I jus dnt trust people easily . Until then I'll be single for as long as I need to be.
I guess that's all I had to say. Just some personal stuff I had to get off my chest, and writing always makes me feel better. Friends come and go, family will always be there for you. There will be plenty of boys/girls in your life, but they won't matter until you meet the one who will put a ring on it!
On the plus side. I have a few pictures of the cakes I've done(: which im sure all of you who follow me on twitter already seen them. Oh well.
Dino Cake. His name's RawrRawr.
Boobies. It was a bachelor party.
Dog bone cake. For a doggy's bday.
Zebra Cake. 21st bday cake.
Feel free to place orders(: I'm a newbie cake boss lol, No complaints here(: I'm not saying im the best at making cakes, but I'll try to do my bestest no doubt.
OH! Shoutout to @mymicsonfire and go follow him! I downloaded some songs he wrote and I've been puttin em on repeat ever since! No disappointments here. I wish it was on youtube so I can directly link you guys to it, but I'm serious he's like an itty bitty lyrical master in em! thumbs up! I've quoted something from him earlier.
"baby im too busy fixing me, to be chasing you around"
FAVORITE.
Thanks for reading, while I vent(: Until next time booboo heads!
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