One and Two

I got a puppy!!!!!(:

She's adorable, and I laaaaaaaaaaaave her. She's a pitbull/rottweiler mix and about 8 weeks old.



Say hello to Phoenix Tigerlilly aka PT(: lol she answers to any one.

Anywaysss...

So I was at work one day and just started to think about everything and anything. Thinking, and trying to find reason, to find logic. To where I started to think about random stuff as to why and how time flies when you're having fun, to why the last hour always goes by soooo slow at work, why the sky is blue, and the grass is green. Of course I didn't have any answers to any of em, but I found logic to a few. It's a theory.

Have two hands, is to lend one.
Have two eyes, to see others than yourself.
Have two shoulders, to let someone lean on one.
Have two legs, to never be a step behind someone.
Have two ears, to listen when ones in need.
Have one mouth, to speak for yourself.
Have one mind, to mind your own business.
Have one life, to live your own and not others.
Have one heart, to give to one another.

It's a little cheesy/corny but it's logical, and reasonable.

That's all(:

Short blog, only because this was just the point I had wanted to get across.

In other words, don't be selfish and share your body parts! Lol. Hopefully, this can change a few of your perspectives.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

Back in Action.

I guess I'm not only one going through a drought and by drought I mean blogging.

I am here to finally catch up to the many days that I've missed.

I'm trying to balance this life lol. School, work, family, and friends.

During my uh break from blogging I've witnessed one too many break-ups, and I'll tell you what, they weren't pretty. I'm sure we've all had the good/bad break-ups and they aren't ever easy, but the best thing you can do for yourself as of then is to try your best to move on, because you're not only making it harder, but you're also hurting yourself. Let go. Move on. It's only hard because you make it hard on yourself. If you can't let go you won't be able to move on. If you can't move on its because you won't let go. Trust me, its for the better.

Live about your day, and experience the single life. Learn about yourself, and make time for yourself, its YOU time. Re-evaluate life, and what your life has to offer, and what you have to do to get where you want. Take some time to think about it, and just because someone is in a relationship, it doesn't mean they can't do that either, you're more than welcome to.

Before being single used to mean that no one liked you and wanted to be with you, but now it means that no one actually meets up to your standards. Take your time, and don't rush it. Promise, it'll be worth it.

People these days think it's the end of the world when they get out of a relationship and it's not. Which brings me to another topic.

I was at school the other day and we had come across a very touching subject that I'd like to get my point across.

Suicide.

It's very saddening to when people think that nothing is ever worth living for and that they have to end their life by killing themselves.

I was in my psychology class and the teacher was reading the statistics of suicide deaths/attempts. Pretty much to sum it up males have a higher chance of committing suicide than females do. Females take a lighter approach by either taking one to many pills, or the slitting of the wrists. Males take the approach by using a gun, and or hanging themselves.

Which the other day I had watched a short clip of a guy who had put a gun to his mouth and pulled the trigger. It made me sick, and had also brought me to the point where, I wouldn't ever want to love or have someone love me that much that when we didn't make it that he would have to do that to himself. I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself.

Suicide is definitely a mistake/accident that you can not recover from, so please think about it before you actually commit.

If there is anyone out there, that has been thinking about suicide, and seriously thinking and considering it, please seek some help, some comfort, and if all else fails, come to me. I would not mind at all, you would never ever be a bother, promise.

Laughter is the best medicine ever. I promise I can make you laugh, bet we can be friends(:

Friends will be there for you when you need them, but best friends are always there for you even when you don't need them. I gotta say I got the greatest friends in the world(: They're pretty awesome, and you guys should be jealous. We've got that bond that you guys just wouldn't understand. We've had our ups and we hardly had our downs, but we're not perfect everyone has em. We only become stronger after we recover from our lowest points. I love those girls.

A lot of girls are quite scandalous which I'm sure most of you already knew. I didn't know girls were capable and stupid enough to do the things that they do. I had sat down with a friend one night, and he had told me a bunch of shit that a couple girls were doing to each other, but then again, I'm not surprised because like I said, GIRLS. Immature little brats, that need to grow up. If I had found out anyone had done that to me, better believe your little bratty ass is gettin a whoopin(: I'm not too sure as why they do what they do, but any other reason than them being attention whores, is beyond me. It's not cute that you're grown, and act like a baby. GROW UP. Don't act dumb to get a guys attention, don't act like your a hard ass and when it comes down to it you run away, don't act like your the shit and get mad when I give you toilet paper to wipe off that funk. Do us all a favor, and have a seat!

I know it's been awhile since I've been blogging, but I moved on to tumblr lol. Blogger I didn't cheat on you but tumblr meets my needs and is everywhere I go, I can't let that bish go. You'll still be my first love, and I'll always come back for youuuuuu<3 haha

Anyways, it's mollydarlinggg.tumblr.com I've barely started so there's not much, but it's much easier for me to post, because I could do it on my phone, and not have to slave away on the laptop typing away, YAY! #teamiphone I'm trying to get the hang of it, so follow me(:

I think I've seem to get everything off my chest, and if not, well I could always use another blog topic(:

Until then readers..

"Strong is the new beautiful."

I've been using and saying that a lot lately, because well, it's so true(: if your weak you're ugly #thatisall hahah jk, kinda..

(:

the Good, the Bad, the Ugly.

WARNING: 3 PART BLOG.
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

SIDE-CHICS

SMH.

What's so good about being someones sidechic? What's so good about being an option? Second place? Not important?

Do you see where I'm going with this? Do you girls love to not get the respect and attention you deserve? I feel SO bad, for y'all when it comes to this.

I mean sure, sometimes it all turns into your favor, and dude ends up leaving his girl for you one day, but ever realize that he might do the same thing to you? He's done it before, with you, what makes he won't do it again, with another girl?

I don't know what your mentality is about this subject, but I feel that you are underestimating your worth. I've reiterated this enough, that I feel like I keep writing the same stuff each post I have.

Plain and simple, respect is not given but earned. So you demand respect from people when you don't respect them, let alone yourself? Double standard. That's a big HELL NO. How do you go on and complain that no one loves you, when YOU, have no love for yourself. Learn to love yourself, before you love others.

I have never wanted or decided to put myself in the position of the "sidechic". It's POINTLESS. I'll be honest, the ONE time, I was the "sidechic" I wasn't treated like one, I was treated like the MAIN chic, which doesn't sound any better lol, but I got dude to break up with his girl to be with me, but then I didn't want him anymore haha. I know I'm mean. Sue me.

Point being, why would you guys put yourself into a position to where you are not 1st place, but 2nd place? I'm HELLA competitive and will FIGHT to get 1st place, I'll never settle for anything less. Other than that I was never and never will be someones second chic/choice. I will always remain first, and so should all of you ladies out there.

I'll never fully understand it, because in order to fully understand it, you got to be put in their shoes, and well, like I said NEVER been sidechic.

Anyone want to take upon this duty, and become interviewed? Lol, I'm wit it if you wit it(:

Sidechic'n only makes you desparate ladies. Does it make you feel better about yourself? Does it make you feel superior? DO you feel good about being a home-wrecker? Which brings up the second part.

CHEATING.

Now, I have never cheated and I'm not talking any kind of smack towards this, I'm simply just saying, "WHY?" and usually when y'all do it, it's with a bish 5x uglier, lol like I really DON'T get it.

I understand the whole, "you want what you can't have" trust me, I KNOW, but sometimes, there's a reason why you can't have those things you want. Try a different approach, you only WANT him, but you don't NEED him, therefore, you are better off WITHOUT him(:

Anyone want to take up this duty, and become interviewed? Promise, you'll be anonymous(: no one will know you and your scandalous ways.

I rather be single, than be lied to, disrespected, and unvalued. Which brings me to the last part.

SINGLE/RELATIONSHIPS.

"..she ain't got a man, but she's not alone.."

(:

If y'all been keepin up with my blog, I'm single, woah big shocker there lol. A lot of ppl make being single so bad, but when you're actually really really single no ties or connection, it's really the best. Trust me. I've had so much fun this past year and I wouldn't take it back. Nothing makes me more happier than friends and family which they are all that I need as of now. Until then, I'll be in a realtionship when im fully ready and wanting one, because like I said, I'm having just way too much fun doing what I do, try it, it's not that bad(:

Don't get me wrong, I'm deff NOT talkin smack about people being in a relationship, or relationships in general. Relationships are fun and amazing, but when you're not ready or deff not feeling it, you shouldn't be in one, and if youre having second thoughts about anything, then, why be in one?

Simply stating the fact that, life has it's ups and downs, single or not, you're gonna have a great and horrible time. It all comes down to, if you're strong enough to hold your own, or if theres someone there to help you through those times.

As of now, I'm my own person, strong enough to hold my ground, and to help other ppl stand when they can't anymore.

I'm simply just saying tho(:

I repeat what I say, because repition is easily remembered. I repeat because the more I say it, the more I want it, I repeat because I want a lot of girls to repeat what I'm saying.

These three things that I've blogged about, are the three things that I have been thinking about lately, and well, they tie a long with eachother very well I must say.

You guys must think I'm this overpowering feminist conceited bitch lol, but I'm not. Promise(: I'm just an all around girl, with some amazing great advice, sometimes. I may be a youngin, but I'm wise beyond my years.

Feel free to leave comments anonymously, I check it on the daily(: yet, I don't recieve a lot of comments either ):

Take in mind, the whole time I've been writing this blog, Rihanna's song, "only girl" has been on repeat.

"I want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world."

Not only make me FEEL like I'm the only girl, but MAKE me the only girl in the world for you.

So appropriate, for this blog.

Until next time, readers(:

From Me, To You.

I've been doing some thinking, and realization, as always.

I have never felt so right about anything, as I do this time.

Dear Future Mr. Right,

I'm simply not ready. I'm not ready to meet you, want you, like you, love you, have you. I am honestly, enjoying mi vida as it is ahora(: My life has never been as discombobulated as it has been this past year, and you know what, I wouldn't change it if I had the chance to. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and I am the strongest I have EVER been. I am on a paper trail, and on a mission to love me and my loved ones. I'm not ready, and not stable. If you were to see where I'm at right now, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me, but you'd be so proud of how I'm doing things, because I'm on this fast paced roller coaster, no hands. I want you to see me as a solid, strong, individual when you meet me, and as of now, I'm not quite there yet. I have respect for myself and you as my future boo that I want you to know in order for you to meet the right one, you have to let go of a few(in my case a lot) of wrong ones. So, let me go through my wrong men, let me get my practice, let me get my time, let me fuck up so many times, let me cry over the wrong men, let me lose sleep, let me stress, let me have fun, let me know how to care about someone, let me know how to love someone, so when I met you, and if you ask me, I'm ready(:

A lot of people mistake me for being single, because I'm EXTREMELY picky, I'm not good enough for anybody and I have nothing to offer; but you're wrong. I am single, because I know what I deserve, and it's not that I have nothing to offer, I just have to much for you to handle. I'm single not only because I'm not good enough for anybody, it's because no one is good enough for me.

I said to a friend, that I am doing all this to only better myself, to change me. So in order to change myself, to better myself, I must let go of what I like and want the most, the things that I want to improve. So I give up you, I give up relationships, and other things, only to improve myself. So when I do meet you, you'd be glad I let you go, because I have matured so much, I've grown into the woman, you were destined to be with.

So hun, take your time with your mistakes, as I am, let me do me, and you do you. I hope to see and meet you when we are BOTH ready, because from that point, there is NO turning back. It's going to be ME and YOU.(:

With Lots of Love,

Molly<3

"We walk the same path but got on different shoes. Live in the same building but we got different views." -Drake

Sexy VS Skanky

Alright ladies, this ones for you.

WHY DO YOU THINK BEING SKANKY IS SEXY? I mean, do y'all not know the difference? As a female, you broads make me and the other females look BAD, and not in a good way. Look it, I understand you want to look your best for your man, for your girl, for your whoever, but do that when it's just you two.

So as you guys already know how I am, me on this whole female empowerment shindiggg, I want to write this lovely blog and dedicate it to you(:

What is sexy?
1. marked by or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest.
2. exciting sexual desire.

How many of you girls have those definitions in mind when you guys try to be "sexy"?

What is skanky?
1. highly offensive; arousing aversion or disgust.

Or do you guys think of this?

Oh, by the way, yes, yes I did use my dictionary app, sue me.

Anyways. Sexy, it is what it is. Skanky, isn't anything. As the definition is stated, sexy, is marked by or trending to arouse sexual desire or interest. You know what that means to me? It's like, being conservative, but showing a little something to draw their "interest" their attention. As one person starts off by showing a little cleavage, or leg, or anything, then the next female, tries to outdo the next, to make her look better. Let's face it girls, we are so competitive, and there are so many beautiful women out there, that you have to up yourself, which literally your making yourself not look sexy, but skanky. By the previous female showing a little cleavage, then the next female is going to unbutton her shirt all the way down to her bra, just to catch the males attention span. Like I said numerous of times, we females are the most powerful and beautiful things ever. EVER. So to dress yourself so low, it makes us less powerful, makes us powerless ):

Not a lot of females can differentiate between sexy and skanky, so they think that whatever they are wearing, doing, saying, is always going to be sexy, and it's not.

I don't know and have much else to say, rather than, be who you are, because image is everything. Don't make yourself look so easy, and expect Mr. Right to come right at you, or complain that, you can't find yourself a decent man; it's only because you are attracting dogs. Short, but simple blog ladies. Shouldn't be that hard to follow, and catch on. Do yo thang, or switch it up, either way, no skank-in around. I'm just really to nice to all of you ladies, to give you guys a heads-up in life hahaha(:

Lastly, I guess I should be writing on my blog more often, but it would help if you guys gave me topics to write about, you know, it's only me, I got one brain, and one perspective, I'd love to hear what you guys say, and want me to talk about, with my point of view. So don't be afraid, follow me on twitter and ask, and I'll answer(: @mollydarlinggg

No witty quote either, just be you, and that's all I ask for(:
Sex it up, and skank it down(:

That's a NO HOLLA.

My, my myyyy. It's been awhile. Sorry. There's been some things I've been going through emotionally and physically; with school starting and all I was just too excited, such as all the new eye candy (: I wasn't surprised to see so many new faces, not to mention not so cute faces.

It has come to my attention that a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT, of guys don't know how to approach a lady. It starts off with the typical, "'Ay ma, you look good, what's you're name?' 'Ay, what's good?' or the very typical, car honking and the dog howling.

I mean, is chivalry really dead? Do men not know how to talk to a lady anymore? Oh, and I'm definitely not bashing all men, I'm just saying for the most part, a lot of men, have forgotten, that women don't like to be treated as an object, but as a person with respect, please nothing degrading and derogative.

To the ladies who actually fall for those dumb pickup lines. REALLY? You're either really stupid, or desperate. Sorry, it's the truth, and if you don't like it, that top right corner with the "x" on it, feel free to click it.

School has started, and there are a few guys, that have made me look twice, but nothing too serious. Back on track, since school has started, I've been hearing, witnessing, and been a victim to all of these dumbass pickup lines.

I feel like I need to sit these little boys down, and give 'em a good lesson or two, the to do's and the don'ts.

Ladies. Do y'all really fall for that stupid crap? Do you think that they never ever ever say that to another female? What makes you think they haven't? Think about how many times a guy has used that line for it to actually work. Oh geeze right? I can certainly go on and on, but I feel like I keep reiterating myself, only because you dumb dumbs keep forgetting it. So do me a favor, and plaster this on your head, brain, or heart, just so you know and not forget next time.

It has come to my conclusion, that a lot of males/females have decided to stay single, for the simple reason of no drama. There are some that have just been out of a relationship, or just doesn't want to be "tied down". Which is the dumbest reason ever, because only you, yourself allows you to be "tied down", no one is making that choice for you. I've recently been chattin it up with a few people, and they've took the turn on being friends...with benefits. It's the same damn thing without the title. You're going to be with that person, you're going to be hanging out with that person, and when the other person finds another person, you get attached, then well, there's going to be drama, no? Look it, you didn't even have to be in a relationship to cause that drama issue either.

What most people don't know about relationships is, it's a team effort, and a whole lotta compromises. Oh and whoever said "whoever cares less in the relationship has the upperhand", is total bullshit to me. If I was in the relationship to where my bf didn't care, um BYE! I don't need that bullshit, because I clearly deserve better and am way better than that. This goes for the guys and girl, because we all know this can happen to anyone.

I like how when I ask girls/guys why they're single, and they I don't want to be in a relationship right now, but I got this friend with benefits, sweetie, it's the same damn thing, without the title. It's amazing on how much relationships have changed from time to time. Oh and that saying, "people changes people, not time" is all wrong, its actually vice versa. I really don't know what to say in all of this because I really have no say in your relationship, and I'm no Dr. Phil and I can't tell you what to do or say in a relationship, but I know commitment, loyalty, respect, being faithful, and honesty are very important factors, as a matter of fact, it's the IT factor, in order for it to work.

Now there's the other kind of people who say if they wanted a relationship, they could have one. Now my boy @notowndez (go follow him on twitter) had brought up a very interesting point, as to why, have any relationship, when you can have THE relationship? Why put yourself out there for a waste of time relationship that you get nothing out of, when you can be in the best relationship, and the admiration is reciprocated? I mean, isn't that what we all want? Is to love, and be loved in return, isn't that what the greatest thing is? #Therewasatimewhen people said "i love you" and meant it. Let's get back to those times eh? I understand it's not as easy said then done, but you know that saying "good things happen to those who wait"? well how about we change that to "great things will happen to those who chase it" (quote me) Chase your dreams, your life, your fantasy, your goals, but let's not get carried away and chase people yeah? k, thanks.

Love is hard. No one is actually ready for it, until it shows up at your doorstep, kinda like a baby, no one is actually fully ready for it, until it pops out, and before you know it, everything is going to be fine. Take your time and don't rush it, but don't go on and be like a grandma lookin ass and going hella slow. There's a perfect speed to go at, and only you can figure that out.

As to sum it up, boys grow the fuck up, ladies, don't be such gullible retarded hoes and believe anything everything you hear. Everything is better off in twos, tis why we have 2 eyes, arms, legs, hands, and well ya know other parts that come in two's. Relationships should never come more than two, because we alllll know that saying, three's a crowd. Keep it real.

"Things may come to those who wait; but only the things left by those who hustle"

Girl Power.

So I feel like I need to reiterate myself over and over on this subject.

FEMALE EMPOWERMENT.

I feel like females are taking this privilege on being a powerful female at its advantage.

Remember when, we didn't get a chance or say in anything? We didn't get to vote, we had to stay home and be the good housewife(that some of us still are), we didn't get the chance to have a job, we weren't able to do anything!

Now that we do, I want to say, there is still a percentage of females out there that are still not doing there part.

Females/ladies/women/girls. We are all capable to do anything and everything a man is able to do. Exclude a few things as in, pee standing up, and ya know other things, but you know what scratch that, because there are chicks with dicks, so us women, are able to do anything and everything a man can do, and maybe even better, who knows.

To my dependers:
I guess what I'm really trying to say is, please don't feel like being independent, strong willed, successful, and intimidating is a bad thing, because it's really not. I know, from a few of my guy friends point of view, there is clearly nothing sexier, than a confident, independent successful woman. I see a lot of chics these days, and they aren't going to their full potential, and depending on their man/boy for everything, and I guess, I mean, it's cool to let the guys help out every so often, but not ALL the time. Take a stand, and be your own person. What happens, when you guys don't work out, then you're all alone, and your safe zone, is now no zone, because you now have no one to depend on but yourself. Maybe that's what has to happen in order for you to realize that no one in this world is going to love you, care for you, or be there for you more than yourself. Though, if you found one that loves you more than their life itself, then congrats, you're like the 1 out of 15 lucky females that don't have to worry about getting a job, and being all independent, but mark my words, sweety, when your life comes crashing down, you're going to wish you knew how to depend on yourself than others.

To my small circle of independent women(:
HEYYYYYYYY!(: what's going on? Busy working? I already know the feeling. I stay working hard for the money, as I know y'all do too. I've been working 6 days, so I could just get some extra dough. I'll be the first to admit among many other things, sometimes I feel like just winding down, and not giving a fuck, I feel like I wanna be like these other girls, that get it so easily, then I think about it, and I remember all the reasons why I've been holding on for so long. I guess you can say it's all about pride, and ego, and you can say that I GOT A LOT OF THAT. Also, way too stubborn, I don't like people helping me out, I like to go about my day and be like, yeah, I did that, and yeah, I did that myself with no help. Maybe I'm weird, or maybe you guys are weird, and I'm normal :P

I was raised to be successful in life, I was raised to think that money is everything, that there are only 2 things that makes this world go round. Money, and love. Now, we all know, I haven't been to the love part, but I ain't new around the money-hood. Me and all the presidents go wayyyyyy back since I was 16(:

Any of you readers, realized, that more and more women these days are becoming so successful, so powerful, so independent, and more like men? (:

Men, have always played that part of the lead role, but this is 2010, women are becoming to take lead role. Oh, and BIG UPS, to them single mothers out there, working hard, just to keep their babies fed with a roof over their head, um do you see males doin that ish? YEAH ILL WAIT! Instead, its the guys leaving the girls, claiming it ain't there baby, now lets switch genders, since you're being such a bitch, you need the vagina, and since us females have bigger balls then you, we own up to our responsibilities. Let's get this straight though, I ain't bashing on all guys, just some, and if y'all idiots took any offense to this, well then quit bein a bitch, and go take care of your baby.

Anyways. Ladies, do y'all know that we are the most beautiful and powerful thing out here? Cuz, we most certainly are, we can make anyone do what we want, we pretty much control this place y'all call "home"

Now, since we have so much beauty and power, why do some of you fuck it all up? You make the rest of us powerful women look bad as hell. Do us both a favor, and make all of us proud, and take a part in this female empowerment.

Let's take pride in ourselves, as a gift, as powerful people, that we don't need to be doing and wearing stupid shit. You don't need to dumb yourself up, just so guys think you're cute, no sweety, no one wants a dumb bitch. Leggings are NOT pants, fake purses aren't cute, being a "playa" isn't attractive, and wearing thousands of layers of make-up, doesn't make you any prettier. I love my girls(no homo), and I take so much pride in us, that I spent time to write on this lovely blog of mine, to let you know, what to do and what not to do simply.

I mean, yeah I get it, not all of you guys can be like me(: DUH. It sure doesn't hurt to try though, I mean not physically, mentally, and literally be like me, but be more like me in a way? If that makes any sense haha. I swear, if girls read this, and changed, it would be a revelation ahah.

"Princesses don't drink and do drugs"

I feel like what my niece said was PERFECT for this blog. Haha, and well let's face it, most of us girls do drink, so we can always substitute it for other things, to anything that refers to you.

i.e.

Princesses don't have caked on make-up and call themselves beautiful.

Haha, alright readers, lemme know what y'all think(:
remember this is a personal blog, my thoughts, my opinions, my blog. I can say, and write, whatever the fuck I want, don't like it, then you're a HOE. BYE.

(:

live. love. learn.

As I'm sure all of my readers are aware, one of my friends was murdered yesterday, and I couldn't help but think, has he actually lived his life? Was he able to enjoy it to the fullest? Had he felt and been in love?

All these questions I'd like to ask myself every single day of my life. I used to tell myself, if I were to die tomorrow, I'd be happy, because I've lived the life I wanted to, but I now know that it's not true. I haven't been anywhere I want to be, I want to travel, I want to see the statue of liberty, I want to go see all the of the seven wonders of the world. So if I was to not live for tomorrow, I'd be sad, because I wasn't able to experience all of what I wanted to. Mainly, I haven't been in love. What's living life, without finding, or being in love? I guess, procrastination is a big kick to the gonads too because, what if I don't live to see tomorrow, to do that dumb paper that I put off that should have been done 2 weeks ago, when I was just being a bum at the house, or hanging out with the girls. Life is too short, and not necessarily taken seriously.

So from now on, I'm gonna do things MY way. I'm gonna do things the way I wanna do it. Not only because it makes me happy, but because it's MY life.

I've always been wrapped up to the point where I always had cared about what people cared about me, because peoples opinions matter to me, they help me and construct me and who I am around people. Not necessarily changing me, but improving me. Improving me, to be a better person that I ever will be by myself. Some of you might not care what people think of you, and that's great, but do you really think that? I know deep down inside you, maybe it's the smallest portion, but you care what people think about you. So maybe, if I don't pay much attention to all of those opinions as much, and really just focus on me, my life, and what I really wanna do, then I can really be happy.

So, I'm creating a bucket list. Things I want to do before I die, and yes, I know, I'm 20, a bucket list? Well, you never know when there's not going to be a tomorrow, so live every day as it is your last.

My bucket list will consume, of the things I have done, will do, want to do, and is thinking about doing. It'll be a short one for now, but I will always update and keep on adding some more stuff. Y'all already know what a bucket list is.

THE BUCKET LIST: <-- Original right?

1. Go out of California.
2. Visit a different country i.e. Paris, Greece, Italy (:
3. Dine & dash *done
4. get a tattoo *done
5. get a piercing other than ears *done
6. be somebody maid of honor
7. get a 4/6 pack
8. go to a casino and play Texas hold em poker preferably in Vegas
9. hit the red carpet ONE TIME
10. wants to be somebody reason for living
11. meet a celebrity
12. plan someones wedding
13. be successful in my eyes
14. have an article published in the newspaper
15. win a large sum of dinero


Those are pretty much just a few things I want to do, I haven't really sat down, and just thought about things I wanna do before I do, but those are the ones I've been thinking about pretty much all the time.

What had happened to my friend, has only opened my eyes to bigger and better things, that I should do what I want, because there are crazy things, and people in this world.

I thank God everyday for giving me strength to go on a day, doing what I do. For allowing me to wake up every morning, for allowing me to see my most adored, cherished, and loved ones.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, please live your life to the fullest, because you really don't know when you can be taken away and become one of God's angel, and I love everyone too much to see another taken away from me. I see your problems, and imagine, if you threw all your problems in a pool with everyone elses, you'd wanna take back your problems, because other people are facing either the same or worse, but they re handing it the very best they can, and I hope all you guys are too, and to the day where you can't anymore. I'm here. (: I'm here to help you, either to lend a shoulder, or give you an open ear, or needing a bear hug, using my tissue box, I'm here.

Everyones got 99 problems, but If you'd open up and let someone know what you're going through to let them help you out, then guess what now you've just got 98(: Take it step by step. Or do as I do, and simply vent by writing. I find it very therapeutic. I put on my soothing music i.e. drake(that boy has the voice of an angel lmao) or alicia keys, or some r&b, just something with a soft beat, and it makes my mind run wild, and my fingers don't stop from moving, I just keep typing and typing, and when I stop, I switch the song.

"I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together now"

These are the BEST lyrics I've heard from Eminem. BEST.

"To live is to learn, and love. To love, is to live and learn. To learn is to love and live. LOVE, LIVE, LEARN."

Quote me.

Weighing out the beautiful situation

What are the standards to being skinny? What are the expectations on being fat? Why are their so many descriptions about weight, and size.

What are you doing to stay healthy? Are you trying to stay healthy?

Everyday, I look in the mirror, I stare at myself, I look from front to back, side to side, and see if I would be gaining any more unwanted fat. Now I know, I'm not the only that does so.

Look around readers, I see so many overweight people, that it scares me. I work in a grocery store, and I see what they are doing to themselves. They aren't trying to help themselves lose weight, but gain it! I look at them, and can't help but think, damn, do you not look at yourself, do you not see yourself, and where you are at? I mean, yes it's rude, and I bite my tongue, but sometimes I just wanna tell them, NO, you don't need this 2lbs of chicken wings, 24 pc fried chicken, 3lbs of potato salad, and a slab of ribs. I get it, some people are big boned, but that doesn't mean that the big pooch, comes from being big-boned. I'm just saying. Not hating.

Let's get this out there, I don't think I'm fat, no. I clearly, don't think I'm skinny either, but what I do want to know, what the hell is considered skinny and fat these days, since the obesity population sky-rocketed.

It bugs me, when people call me skinny lol, I mean, I'm really not, but what I hate is when people are like I hate you, youre skinny and I'm not, welllll do something about it. You just standing there eating and complaining your life away isn't going to make you skinnier.

So lets see where this takes us. I weigh 118, and I'm 5'1 1/2"



I'm average. So, if you guys say I'm skinny, I'll slap you. If you say I'm fat, I'll whoop your ass, jk, but really though. Now I'm clearly not saying that whatever this chart says goes, but it's something to look on about. I mean, what am I to say what skinny or fat is. If youre happy being the size you are then PERFECTO(: No one should make you feel insecure about yourself, and you should never feel insecure because confidence is sexy(;

Which brings on another topic. You are beautiful. You are handsome. No one should make you feel any different than what you feel about yourself, and what you feel about yourself should be nothing but positive feedback. Let's face it, no one would want to be with someone with low self esteem, but I rather be with a guy with a low self esteem than a cocky asshole. Be confident not cocky, no one likes a big head.

My mother used to tell me when I was younger that I was this ugly, fat kid, and coming from my own mom, it brought me down so low. That I eventually believed everything my mom had told me. Then one day I decided to just not care what my mom would say about me, because I am beautiful, and what she said about me, wouldn't change my opinion about me. I changed. My confidence had a dramatic boost, and I had lost weight. Now she sees me as a beautiful individual, but being skinny, or thin, or fat or anything considers you to be a beautiful individual.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

"Good looks catches the eye, but good personality catches the heart"

Okay beautiful people, lemme know what y'all think(:

What is love?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

Hahaha, love that song(:

Anyways, what is love nowadays? I hear people toss, the "L" word around(love, not lesbian) like its the cool thing to do now. Forgive me, but last time I checked, I thought you are only supposed to say it, when you truly, actually feel it, when you have nothing else that you want more than that person, when you would do anything for that person, or is love undefined? What is your definition of love? I'd love to hear everyones thoughts/opinions on their definition of love. I've never been in love, and am not afraid to admit it, I believe that one day there will be someone to sweep me off my feet, and I will be the one holding the broom, so of course, I'd have to approve of this "love".

Now, who am I to say what love is when I've never felt it before, who am I to say, you're not in love (even though y'all have been going out for like 2 weeks), I am a nobody, and again I'm not afraid to admit that as well. There are so many opinions that matter to me and so much more that don't matter, I'm sure everyone is just the same.

I thought I should put in my 2 cents and write a blog on this infamous topic that everyones in and ejoying while im on the sidelines trying to figure out how the game works. Call me old fashioned, but I like to know who I'm dealing with, I'd like to know who they are before I get into something, before I be with that person. Some don't take relationships very seriously, but as my sister said to me, when I was younger, the person you go out with, is pretty much a potential wife/husband. Yes, its very scary, to even think about it, I mean I don't go straight into a relationship and think, YUP! this guys, gonna be my husband, no doubt, we're going to have 2 girls 2 boys, 1 dog, 3 fishes, have a nice white 2 story house, with a yellow kitchen and a white picket fence. No. It's a possibility, I think of the future constantly, and it scares me. If you have been keeping up with my blogs, I admitted that the future scares me, and thats probably the only thing that scares me besides my dad. The future scares me, because I dont know what holds for me in the future, I always like to stay on top of my game, on top of my tip toes, bc well, imma ballerina, we stay on our toes (; no but really, I just like to know what goes on, and without knowing, I just have to be very cautious.

Back on topic. Love. What is it?

According to my handy dandy dictionary app from my iPhone

Love.
1. a strong positive emotion of regard and emotion.
2. any object of warm affection or devotion.
3. a beloved person; used as terms of endearment.

So, when you guys use the word "love" do you think of those 3 definitions?

Love.
4. a deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction.

Or do you think of this definition?

Do you love this person because of who they are, or do you just love this person bc of how they give it to you? Do you love this person, or are you in love with this person? Yes, there is a difference.

There are so many different types of love, and I'll be honest I really dont know what they all are, but I do know a few.

-passionate love
-simple love
-genuine love
-young love
-hate love
-forced love

My favorites are passionate and genuine(: I'm a hopeless romantic. No joke. There really aren't that many people like that anymore. Some have their heads stuck way to high up there ass, and some just dont care anymore.

I wish people would take love more seriously instead of throwing the word around, like its a toy. Now, i'm guilty of using that word, when I didn't mean it. I blame it on young love. I think of it now, and it wasn't love.

Why haven't I been in love before, or in it you might ask, well im not going to lie either, i'm scared.

Scared? Yes! I'm scared of love. While, people run head on, with their heart on their sleeves. I kinda, walk taking my time, and not head on, I walk in slowly with barriers and walls all around me ESP around my heart. I'm scared bc if I give my love, my love wouldnt be returned, reciprocated, and I think that would devastate me. That would hurt me so much, that I wouldnt know what to do. I'm afraid to open up, bc i'm not sure if this person that I supposedly "love" is feeling the same way, or just playing me. I'm scared to dive in, bc I dont know if im ready for this. In a relationship, I give my all, and if it doesn't work out, then there isn't that "what if" factor. I'm different from what you say most girls, about this, but I wouldn't say im different from anyone. Though, I will say, not two girls are alike.

All I can say is, think twice, before you say something that you cant take back, bc once you say "love" you cant take that shit back, you cant be like "i love you... naw wait, i dont love you," lol its wrong.

The heart knows what it wants more than what the mind says. The heart does not always want what the mind wants.

"The greatest love, is to love, and to be loved in return."

"The human heart knows things the eyes don't see, and feels things the mind cannot understand."

Now, leave me some love(:

Supply, and demand.

Have you ever met anyone that says they "needed" someone in their life? I have, and frankly, ive met one too many people like that. I, for one, DONT need anyone in my life unless I want them in it, i.e family and friends. I dont need someone in my life to make me happy, to laugh, to smile, to cry(even though i dont cry), to have a great time, im fully capable of doing that myself. 

Today, all girls talk about is 'needing' a man. Needing them to make them more of a person, to make them more of a woman, needing them to make them feel 'whole', well thats a big HELL NO from me. 

First off I'd like to say, is if you think and demand a man so much in your life, how much would this man demand you? Not a whole lot. He can have you, and any other lady he wants, and you wouldnt care because having the thought of having this man is blinding your thoughts and judgement. Now, im no one to judge, bc ive been there aswell. Id just like to give a little heads up, cuz there aint gonna be no man out there that demands you just as much as you demand him.

Then again, I can be wrong, but then again, im right, and youre jus mad bc you know i am. Let him go hun, there is no man out there worth youre demand, trust me. 

But, as much as you demand, demand, demand, and theres not enough supply, then what? you jus gonna keep demanding till you get what you want? Ladies, most of you guys demand the nice guys, the good guys, but yall fall for the bad boys. Where as, those bad boys are so in demand, theres too many of em out there now. So think, for those girls who really demand a good guy, a genuinely nice, good guy, there aint enough of em bc theyre not in high demand, and well, not enough supply, bc mainly, everyone wants a bad boy. So when words out that there was a limited time good guy call, anyone and everyone, got their hands on one, and when you really want one, well again, 'limited time' and 'not enough demand and supply' <--econ lecture. Who woulda thought you would use an econ lecture as an example to relationships hahaha.

Now if you cant make yourself happy, and you depend on a guy to make you happy, therefore you shouldnt even deserve a guy. I can not stress this enough, YOU should make YOURSELF happy, before even thinking about sharing that happiness with someone else. 

Point being, Id like to hang up my relationship status and plaster 'single' alllllllllllllll over it. Ive been doing a lot of thinking, and im not quite sure im ready for another relationship. Things aint the same, and im becoming uncomfortable with how things are, and i dont like being uncomfortable. I am going through a lot, and i cant seem to balance everything. Me, and my sister declared, that I have theeeeeeee worst luck in guys, like we really talked about this, and decided that i do. So ive always been like, "oh, well, im not looking to be in a relationship right now", or "i just got out of a relationship, not now" or "i dont want a bf" when really, im just this picky girl, a picky girl, with standards, a girl waiting to be swept off her feet, a girl waiting to find a guy to meet her standards, but now when i say im not ready, and i dont want a bf, i really mean it this time. I mean sure, bfs are cool, and awesome to have, but right now, im going through this emotional roller coaster, that i dont think anyone is gonna wanna be strapped down for the ride. Then again, theres that line, "what happens, happens, you cant fight fate&destiny" welllllll, then we'll talk, but for now, im sorry, theres really nothing i can do more than be here for myself, and try to make me happy. Ive always cared about everyone elses happiness, and i had forgotten how to smile, and really be happy. I dont mean to sound like this depressed emo girl, but if the shoe fits, then call me Cinderella. Id love to have a hand to help me go through this, but i wouldnt wanna drag anyone downhill with me, but for now, its me going s-o-l-o. 

Now, just because im doin all that, it doesnt mean, i can change my mind, its always easier said then done, and i can change my mind in a heartbeat, but for now im pretty set on this. 

Im done trying to make people happy, and see things how i see it. Im done trying to please people, im done, done, done.

So right now, imma try to take my own advice, and help myself to some self discovery. Discovering what I want and need, to help me reach my dreams and goals.

Im not waning off men for good lol, im simply putting them aside, until i know what i want in life. Im still young, theres no need to rush this relationship business.

ohhhh and before i finish off..

"why make him a priority, when hes makin you an option"

think about it..

Make it, or break it.

DAMN. I most deff need to keep up with my blog, and in all honesty ive been semi busy, just mainly being a bum.

I just want to get this out in the open. My blog isn't about cooking recipes, or how great/wonderful my life is, im not a singer, model, rapper or whatever, i dont give advice out unless asked for, im not a God(only sometimes) and im not Oprah. I blog about how Im feeling at the moment, and Im not making you read my blogs, you are doing it all on your own. If you don't like it then oh well, dont read my ish then, but if you do then keep on keeping on reading my ish. You are entitled to your opinion and if it sucks, then im glad youre being honest with me. Im sending out this note because I dont want you to expect nothing but my complete honesty, and my current feelings with a side of emotions. I cant guarantee that youll like what you read, but like I said, youre entering at your own risk. You may know too much about me or too little, but i can tell you what and who i am since ive done a horrible job of introducing myself in the first place.

Im Molly, Im nineteen, I go to school, I work, I dance, I read and write, and I love my family. I have a blog, because people dont give a rats tutu about how I feel, and I can say the same damn thing to you. I feel like I'm cut out to more than just frying chicken and baking french bread on a daily basis, but so far thats what puts clothes on my back and food in my tummy. I eat wayyyyy too much for my own good, I used to go joggin a lot, but the park has been closing down way to early for me, because when I get off work, lights are already out =/..therefore I try to go in the mornings and imma bum, so its only happened twice, but I make up for it, by joggin for like 2 hours. I miss ballet, I might just take a summer course, because I like doing it so much. I tend to quote myself, bc in all honestly i say some pretty great shit that you guys should quote me. I try not to lie, because lying is ugly, and i dont wanna be ugly haha..kidding(kinda) I also hate introducing myself because I dont know what to say to not make myself seem so conceited, and im not, its high self esteem, ive established its confidence. Confidence can get you anywhereeeeeeeee, face it, no one likes a boy/girl with no confidence, its rather pitiful, take some pride in yourself. Youre beautiful/handsome, and if not to me, someone else might think so. Chin up love, the world isnt over yet, we got a year and a half to go(2012). I think I also get wayyyy tooo descriptive when I talk or tell stories, but whats the fun in a boring story? You gotta tell the story like you ARE the story. <- story of my life (: Not gonna lie, i tell some kick ass stories. Oh, and I swear like a sailor, sorry its a bad habit and I try not to say so much as im typing but i just cant. I enjoy art, and I believe my body is a temple, so I decorated my temple with art, hence I have only two tattoos with a belly piercing and a nose piercing andddd my ears pierced. Im not gonna say ill stop there because im still young, i havent been outside of california, and i havent been in love, and i havent actually lived my life the way i wanna. The future holds many paths for me, whether it be long, short, big, wide, bumpy, windy, stormy, ugly, beautiful, or dry, imma walk take my time with my head held high and make sure that I get to the other side, to prepare me for the next road im on. There are only two things that really, really scare me in this whole world. TWO. I mean yeah, woo scary movies, or sharks, or snakes, or pretty much anything creepy, scary, gross factor, but they dont frighten me as much as my daddy and the future does. My daddy is this little man, whose absolutely just like me haha, its great and scary at the same time. The future scares me because I dont know whats in store for me the next day, I always like to stay ahead of the game, but this "future" is playin me, so I gotta play by its rules, to make it by the end of the game, to be a winner.

The other day I was sitting down with a friend, and we were talking about the future, and what needs to be done to be successful. Yet, i had come to realize now, what is the meaning of "success"? What's success in your eyes, and why is it so differently in mine? You're definition of success can be doing your own deal by being a salesman, knocking door to door, and mine can be having a 6 digit salary. Success is what you think it is. Ive been bringing up the topic of me wanting to leave for school up to my parents and oh boy, they are so against it. Then they asked me what I plan on doing with my life, as in what do i plan on doing in the future, since they say im old already(im not even 20 yet) I told them I wanted to be a psychologist in marital/family counseling or in child development/counselor. They simply shook their head, and said no, be a nurse. How are you gonna tell me how to live my life and tell me what to do. Let me say this again, how are you going to tell me how to run MY LIFE. Im sorry only I pull the strings to me, not you, yeah, yeah, you made the stage, brought the audience, and made me a star, but as far as i know I've been doin me for a very long time, without their help.

I cant stand that almost everyone in my family are only doing things to keep my parents happy, and I get it, I would too, but what about my happiness? I get it, your happiness=my happiness, but that only works for so long. I do what makes me happy, and youre holding me back, youre not supporting me, youre telling me what to do, and youre making me sad ): and it hurts because you guys dont believe in me.

You guys already knew since I was born, that Ive always been a little different. I talk too much, I do what I want, I'm motivated, you guys always said I was the black sheep, the odd one in the family, and thats only because i've been doing what i want to do in order to make me happy.

Happiness goes a looooooooooooooooooooooooong way, no happiness, no laughters, no smiles, no tears of joy, would make me a very sad little girl =/ so, i gotta have it!

Friends. They play a HUGE part, in my happiness. But, whats in a friend these days? yeahh i got me some awesome, great, wonderful friends, but there are only a few I know I can count on. Thanks(: yall know who ya are.

The other day my ex tells me he wanted to have my baby. Can you imagine what went on in my head? I wanted to say so much crap and shit to him, but i just started laughing and was thinking damn, WTF was I thinking when I went out with this foo. Have you guys ever thought about that? Ever think about your exes and think, damn i musta been on some other shit to be with this foo hahaha, i know its mean, and rude, and what not, but its also the truth. Now hes all ohh i miss you and what are you doing:) and im like naaaaa we are not starting this shit again, he was probably theeee worst bf everrrrrrrr, and for some reason im not gonna lie, i wanted to be with him, even after we broke up, i missed him and kept wanting to be with him, until i finally realized not much later, that hes a lil bitch ha! So in all seriousness, me and him were through, but I still cared for him as a person, as an ex, as a friend, nothing more, sometimes less. I was probably at my lowest peak when I realized what I did was not me, oh boy, and now that I think of it, he was deff not worth my time, deff not worth it, deff not worth me. Again, its not being conceited, its me being honest.

Haha, so I think Ive written enough, and I promise ill probably get back to this wonderful blog of mine in couple days, no more weeks. Needless to say, you probably found my blog on facebook, soooo follow me on twitter @mollydarlinggg (:

Imma start leaving my blogs with a quote, either by me, or by someone else, just to keep you guys thinking, orrrr if it works, to keep you guys coming back for more(:

"Good things fall apart, so even better things fall in place"

stress&&sucess

My life is so stressful right now =/ idk what to do. For about I'd say 2 weeks, I've been waking up due to bad dreams, and it's not your typical scary chainsaw dream or nothing, it's something that has happened, can happen, or will happen, and i'm scared. I am losing sleep and it doesn't look good on me. As of now, I'm just being a little extra cautious, because well honestly, if you knew what I dream about, you'd wake up crying, but me, imma big girl, therefore i dont cry(:

To keep you guys posted on this dance performance, i seriously dont know about it anymore. I dont have my dancers with me, let alone ppl with experience, and I absolutely can't teach them what I know in less than 6 weeks, andddd have them nail the routine i have in mind, i hate to say it, but its impossible, and at this rate, i might not even do the performance anymore which makes me really sad ): but lets face it, even if all of this does work out, how theeee hellll am i gonna pop out a hiphop routine outta my ass? its not gonna happen. but idk what i am gonna do im still debating.

anddddddddddddddddddddd as for school..i wanna leave. leaveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee fresno. i wanna gooooooooooooooooooooo, but its an issue..bc if you knew my family and how they are, then you'd understand. idk what im doing anymore, its like im just going just to go..and its not only wasting my time but theirs, and we all know time is money. I could be makin some serious dough, if i ddnt have to go to school and waste my time there.

thennnnnn speaking of money. my job sucks. plain and simple. I want a new job, like a new new job, something diff from what ive been doing for 3 years, andd something that would pay me better than now. Im tired of it, and i wanna leave. I had this job interview thing today, and I ddnt go which now i kinda wish i did, bc it was a job payin $15 an hr with benefits and 3 weeks paid vacation 13 paid holidays and some other ish, and i ddnt go. why you ask me? simple. ASIANS. yeah asians dnt like me, and they lw irritate the eff outta me, and i cant be around asians alll dayy when i got me a crazy set at home lol..

butttt we cant always get what we want ya know..but i can sure hope&&pray that i can(:

i know i got a lot of things going for me but i can only wish and want more, more and more.

but what can i say, other then..

..i jus wanna be successful(:

My, oh my, how time flies

Helloooooooooo readers(:
My my, it's been a long time since I've written on my blog. I had written one down couple days ago, then I had accidentally pressed the backspace button, then I just quit haha, but I'm back on track now, yeeee(:

Life is going as planned, actually it's even better. My little brother is graduating this June, and had already went to his prom, yeah my little big bro is all grown, he's 18, and one of my best friends. I can tell him anythinggggg, well almost anything haha. Well, hes moving back to Fresno, and I can't wait! He will be going to FCC with me, and hopefully I can find him a job somewhere, because I will not be paying for allll his classes.

Mommy is doing great, she's back to yelling at me and bossing me around, that's when you know they're back to themselves. Other than myself, my mom and my sisters are theee strongest women I know. We hold eachother up, when we can no longer stand. I can not say this enought, but my fam[ily] issssssssssss my worrrrrrrld, and without them, I seriously wouldn't be where I am today. No one understands the love I have for my family, and sometimes I don't get it in return, but it's okay, because I love my family bc of who they are and what they mean to me, I don't love them because they love me in return. Love isn't always returned, but it feels great to give it.

Speaking of love, as we all know, I'm in begining and intermediate ballet, well today I had been asked to do a dance perfomance, performing on June 26, the one day before my birthday, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper stoked about that, not gonna lie. I have been waiting and wanting to do a perfomance, and now here's my chance(: I'll let you guys know more about it when the date gets closer(: We have our first meeting this friday @11 am. I guess all the hardwork I put into dancing is finally going to pay off.

As for my other love, I found my notebook!! yeah, yeah, it's not just a notebook, it's THE NOTEBOOK, with all my notes and stories that I've come up with. Part-time writer, dancer, student, therapist, and grocery clerk, haha my life is just a hott mess, and I'm lovin it!

If my life wasn't so busy, I don't know what I would do, not so busy as in I can't do anything in my life busy, but busy enough to keep me on my toes.

I'm starving now, and waiting for that chicken to defrost so I can make me something to eat. Stir fry chicken and snow peas sounds pretty damn awesome to me(:

I think i've been able to sum up my life in no time, now it's time for me to start cooking, and pigggggggggggg outtttttttt (:

life&&dreams

It's been awhile since I've posted a blog, my life had been so crazy those past five days that there was no time to play catch up. Something happend, in my life, that threw me off my life course. Messed me up badly that I didn't know what to do and I was having my doubts again, but I was glad it happened but I wished it happened, a little later. For awhile now, I had been debating on doing what happened, and before I was completely sure, it happened. My mind went wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiild, because for a moment, I knew it was bad for me, but I had wanted it so bad, and I got it. I had to keep pinching myself to make sure what was happeneing was real and that I wasn't dreaming, because I wanted it to happen, and it finally did. I was at that point that I wanted to make sure I was awake, because at that moment, my life was better than my dreams. Soon enough, my dreams came crashing down, as soon as I knew what was the outcome of it. I was hurt again, took me a few days to get back on my life track but I had made up my mind and I feel better. There's still so many questions I want to ask, but I just don't know how to ask it. As I was going through this life issue, I had another problem added to my plate.

My mom was recently in the hospital and the doctors had said she needed an emergency surgery to remove her gallbladder. Crazy as it seems, my mother is alright, she got discharged yesterday and now she is resting. She won't be going to work for awhile, which is good, because my mom is a workaholic.

Imagine what I was going through. I lost sleep over this, and if you don't already know, I get major biotch status when I loose sleep. I had work, and just one too many things to worry about.

As many problems I have, I shut down, and I start pushing everyone out of my life. I don't want to drag people into my life, because everyone have their own problems to face. I loose friendships over this, and I rather do that then, have people worry about me or 'try to cheer me up'. I don't want you to cheer me up, nor I don't want to feel obligated to 'cheer you up'. How am I gonna cheer you up if I can't cheer myself up? How am I gonna help you If I can't help myself. Thats why I push everyone away, until I am capable enough to hold myself.

Im not gonna lie, I miss how things were for me. So easy, so happy, so free, and now after all this, I guess I took it for granted.

I push away, because I'm scared to get close, and I don't let anyone get close enough because I'm scared to get hurt. I take chances and risks, but right now, I can't afford to do it anymore. I don't know how much more I can take, before I break,fall, and crumble.

I always tell myself, "Imma rock. Im solid. No one can make or break me. I will not crumble"

I took those words to the heart, that I honestly, am the strongest person I know. I strive for what I want, and I only want whats best for me. I hate it when everyone doubts me, but watch me do me and imma be somebody. Promise.

I've got dance in my step

Ballet. Yeah, I said ballet. I've been doing this dance now for about a year and I absolutely love it(: It has changed my perspective about any kind of dance now, and the way I dance. I'm taking a beginning class and an intermediate class at FCC with Jiimmy Hao, which is a great instructor. Since i've been taking that class, I went from weighing 145 to 118 and I feel grrrreat!! I now have muscle in places I didn't think I was ever going to have(thighs), and people I know make fun of me for my manly legs haha. I really do enjoy doing ballet, and I probably want to minor in dance, which I'm going to have to do a lot of other dance classes while I'm at it. I like it when people laugh at me and go, "really omg you're taking ballet? haha in like tu-tus and stuff?" yeahhhh well, no tu-tus, and trust me, it's a lot harder than you think it is, especially for having a crazy chinese man as your instructor. I feel as if I had accomplished so much for having only doing ballet for one year, and i'm already in intermediate (: I mean heck, i'm not the best at it, but I sure ain't the worst. I'm human I make mistakes, buuttttttttt, I learn from my mistakes which makes me even better(: A lot of people doubt me, in so many ways, that make me strive and push myself to prove them wrong. All I can say is, thanks to you doubters bc without you I wouldnt have anyone to prove wrong and make ya feel stupid(: and for those who never doubted me for a second, thank you(: your admiration is amazing.
As I always say though, my life is my inspiration, I inspire to only do the greatest(:

Strike Three, You're OUT!

I've had a pretty rough couple of months I'd say, and I would always put on a smile, just to make everyone believe that I am okay, but I'm not. I'm beyond stressed, worried, and lightweight depressed. Lately, I have so many thoughts and problems that I am not able to stand anymore, I need a breather and I need to just relax, but then I can't because I realize I don't have time to just relax when there's so much at stake. I always hate being alone, because I come to realize that I really do have 99 problems. Last night/morning, was just the topper, one of the people that claimed to be my "bestie" betrayed me. I, for one, has always been there for him, whenever he needed someone, I was there, and for the one time I did need him for something that I was going through, he couldnt return the favor. I felt, betrayed, unapppreciated in the least, this will be the third time he has done this to me. So last night I was putting my niece to sleep I checked my myspace on my phone(I know myspace? It's been a min) and I saw something about a problem with a girl. I was his personal doctor, his goto girl for advice, and I knew every little thing about him and his girls or potential girls. So I was wondering why I didn't know about this one, well I text him and I got a reply saying that I shouldn't worry about it, I was a little baffled that he said that, so we got into it, and of course it ended up with him saying I'm not there for him anymore, which is total bullshit!(excuse my french) I've always put my family and friends before myself. I've helped this guy for so long, and now I just feel like it's a waste of time. So i've cut him out of my life for good now. I don't need a person like that in my life, I need someone to value my friendship and appreciate me.

It just goes to show that the people you think you can count on when you really need them, they can't do it.

All I'm saying is, if there is someone out there that's treating you the same way this fool was treating me and claiming to be your "bestie" drop him/her, they're not worth it, and they're more people out there that will value your friendship.

aunty mode to mommy mode

So, I've always had respect for mothers. ALWAYS. I know how hard is, but I didn't know it was THAT hard. Recently I've been taking care of my two year old niece, Adiya. I love that little brat, and I'd practically do anything for her(: Anyways, I have been babysitting her, just me because my parents had just got back from there vacation which, they are both very tired, and both my sisters are working. So, it's just been Adiya and I, when I wake up, she's up and I got to get her ready, give her a bath, change her clothes, brush her teeth, fix her hair, and then get her some breakfast, pretty much the whole shpeal. After I had gotten her ready, I got ready and started to clean up after the house, and as soon as I was done, it was time for me to go to work, so while I'm at work the other aunty from work comes home to watch her. Then as soon as I get off work, it's me and Adiya all over again. I change her to her jammies, and then it's time for me to put her to sleep, but of course with the help of her favorite movie, she fusses, plays, and does all the things a 2 year old does before bed, then before you know it she's knocked out cold. I don't know how you moms do it, but if I had a hat, I'd tip my hat to ya, but I'm a lady, so I wear a dress, so I'll curtsy(: As for now, I can't let Adiya run loose at this time of night, I gotta play mommy and put her to sleep now. So goodnight(: